There’s a tango forum I’m on which raised the question of what might be considered selfish versus altruistic dancing: to what extent do we dance with the partners who give us the best dance experience, versus others who might not?

In particular, how do we resolve the apparent contradiction between the idea that nobody owes anyone a dance, and tango as a social dance. Someone in the forum asked whether we should all be making an effort to dance with strangers, beginners, those not dancing, those we didn’t connect with in the past, and so on – or is it ok to simply dance with the partners whose dance we love … ?

For me, the answer to this is: We should never dance with somebody when we don’t want to do so – however, we can want to do so for many different reasons.

For example, I will always dance with followers I don’t know, as well as ones I do, because how else would we find our next favourite partners? That’s not an altruistic action on my part: it’s an entirely selfish one.

I will almost always dance a tanda with a beginner, because experienced followers were kind enough to do so when I was a beginner, and because we all have a vested interest in attracting and retaining the next generation of dancers. Call that part payback, and part investment in the future of tango.

I’ll aim to dance with a follower I’ve noticed has been sitting for a long time, and giving clear signals of wanting to dance, because I don’t want anyone to have a miserable time, and have been told more than once that this can save someone’s evening. For me, tango is a social dance, and a key element of that is, well, being sociable.

I also don’t write off followers forever if we have a tanda that doesn’t really work, especially if that was early on. In the early years, our dance evolves massively, so two incompatible dancers can become compatible over time (and vice-versa, of course).

One thing I do see as key …

Whatever the reason we dance with someone, we should do it only if we are able to give ourselves completely to that dance with that person – in whatever sense is appropriate in that situation. Eg. Dancing with a beginner, ‘giving myself completely’ might mean doing all that I can to give that beginner a great experience, while also learning things about my own lead.

Finally, may I propose deleting two phrases from the tango parlance: charity dance, and pity dance? Both are truly horrible phrases for equally horrible concepts, and carry connotations of sacrifice and suffering.

I’d replace both phrase and concept with ‘social dance’ or ‘sociable dance’ – meaning we may not be dancing with them because we expect to have the best tanda, but because we enjoy being in an environment in which everyone is having a good time, and want to play our part in creating that environment.