Arguably the biggest problem in tango is the imbalance between leaders and followers. That’s clearly an issue for followers, but it’s also less than ideal for leaders.
A solution attempted by most festival/marathon/encuentro organisers is to have an event be role-balanced – but it appears that the theory and the reality may differ somewhat …
Let’s start with the problems created by imbalanced milongas, from the perspective of both followers and leaders …
Imbalance problems for followers
I asked a few follower friends for their perspective on the imbalance at most milongas, and here’s what they told me …
The first issue can arise even before you get to the milonga: feeling like the decision of whether or not to go is a gamble, of both time and money – especially in the current rather difficult economy.
If you do go, the next obvious problem is, of course, sitting around when you’d rather be dancing.
Too much sitting can have both physical and emotional impacts on the tandas you do get to dance. Feeling frustrated or fed up means you might not be in the best state of mind to really enjoy the dance, and you may also feel physically stiff.
Feeling unwanted or rejected can also dent a dancer’s confidence, leading to a downward spiral of feeling less able/willing to actively mirada leaders.
Spending lots of money on privates can feel wasted if there isn’t much opportunity to put it into practice soon afterwards.
You know you’re in the same boat as other followers, and want to see them as allies, but you also feel like they are your competition in a zero-sum game.
Imbalance problems for leaders
I’m sure if you’re a follower, it must seem like a dream to be a leader, knowing you can (usually!) dance as much as you like. But while this section feels uncomfortably like First World Problems, the truth is that the situation also isn’t ideal for leaders.
First, because as much as it’s wonderful to be able to dance non-stop if you want, it’s less wonderful to feel under pressure to do so because you’d feel guilty letting followers (and especially follower friends) sit around waiting. My ideal is to dance when the music moves me, and socialise when it doesn’t – but I’m not going to sit out lots of tandas if I can see there are many followers wanting to dance; it is a social dance, after all.
Second, because tango is supposed to be a joyous activity, but it obviously isn’t if a significant number of followers aren’t having a great time (and you can definitely sense that).
Third, unless we can solve these problems, there’s a risk that more and more followers will eventually leave tango, and the dance will decline.
In theory, role-balanced events solve these problems
One solution to the imbalance is simply to find your tango home(s). As one follower friend put it, to find the places where you feel you belong. The milongas where you know there will be plenty of leaders who love to dance with you.
Another is role-balanced events, where you register either as a leader or a follower or a 50/50 dual-role dancer, and the organiser ensures that there are as many leaders as followers. But although this sounds great in theory, it doesn’t always work so well in practice.
Theory meets reality
Follower waiting-lists
The first and most obvious problem with role-balanced events is that it just changes the point at which followers are sat around waiting for leaders.
Instead of sitting around at the milonga, they are sat around on a waiting-list until enough solo leaders have registered. And because leaders know they will be able to get in even if they register at the last minute, a number of them do so – which creates both frustration and schedule uncertainty for followers.
Ultimately, it leaves some followers unable to get into events.
But even when a follower does get in, the problems don’t necessarily end there. Role-balanced events can still leave more followers than leaders sitting, and there are a number of reasons for this.
Cheating by followers
Given the difficulty followers have getting in to role-balanced events, it’s perhaps unsurprising that some resort to cheating. Tactics I’ve heard include …
Ghost leaders. A follower books as a couple, with a leader who doesn’t actually exist, preferring to pay the dance pass fee twice rather than miss out.
Disinterested husbands. Not quite a ghost leader, in that he does at least exist, but followers may persuade a life-partner to attend with them, even though said partner has little interest in dancing, and spends more time in the hotel bar chatting with other disinterested husbands than on the dance floor.
Misleading dual-role dancer claims. Registering as a dual-role dancer when, in reality, they plan to spend most of their time following. (More on dual-role dancing below.)
Cheating by organisers
It’s not just followers who may cheat: sometimes organisers do too. If an event is undersold, they may be tempted to prioritise revenue over balance, and either register more followers, or offer uncontrolled tickets for individual evenings.
To me, this is the worst of all worlds. Followers have effectively been sold tickets under false pretences: promised a role-balanced event when that isn’t what they actually get.
Just the reality of men versus women
The imbalance problem arises in the first place, of course, because more women than men want to dance, and male-lead/female-follow is still the norm.
But even among active tango dancers at role-balanced events, my observation suggests that men tend to want to dance less than women. (Obvious exceptions aside <cough>.)
So even where an event is genuinely role-balanced, we may still need a solution to the underlying problem.
The long-term solution is dual-role dancing
I’ve long said that I wish tango schools taught both roles from day one. A few do this, but not many.
The truth is, most of us didn’t choose our role, it was effectively pre-selected by the prevailing norm in tango schools. Most schools teach the roles in a way which forces people to choose one or the other, and the assumption made in most of them is that men will lead and women will follow, because that’s the tradition – or the perception of it, at least.
So one of the longer-term solutions is schools switching to a model where everyone learns both roles from day one. That way, people genuinely can later make a choice about whether to lead, follow, or be a dual-role dancer. (I mean, yes we can still make that choice later, but it’s much more difficult.)
Learning both roles is valuable even if we know from day one that we only want to do one of them. Every leader who has taken even a handful of following lessons knows how much it helps your lead, and I suspect the reverse is also true.
At the festivals I’ve been to where there are a significant number of dual-role dancers, more people dance more of the time, and my personal perception is that it makes for a more joyful event. It’s the main reason I’m now making a serious attempt to learn to follow.
(No, I don’t plan to make the problem worse by becoming a follower! My long-term goal is to be able to swap back-and-forth when dancing with other dual-role dancers.)
A potential short-term solution?
This is going to be a controversial suggestion, because in one way it would make things worse, by lengthening waiting-lists for followers.
But if the current reality is that most leaders are men, and most men want to dance less than women while at events, then perhaps we need weighted bookings which reflect those realities? Admit more leaders than followers, so that at least when solo followers do make it into the event, they do get to enjoy a genuinely role-balanced experience.
I don’t know; maybe it’s a terrible idea. Let me know your thoughts.
ben lovejoy 
One also needs to take into account I think that older milongueros may dance fewer tandas.
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Not only are we likely to lose followers but also leaders due to imbalance. If I am tired or not for some reason upto loads of dancing I am likely to stay home because the number of eager followers expecting me to dance with them just is a bit too much. I would HAVE to dance – obligation rather than pleasure.
When the imbalance is bad enough as a leader it feels like I am working not engaging in a Leisure activity.
I personally dance either role now. I have been leading a lot and have had amazing tandas in both roles and switching roles so I really don’t mind any more which I dance.
BUT leading is a lot more intence it is more tiring and if I was told to dance every Tanda all evening and do it in one role my choice number one would be switching but that isn’t choosing one. It is a no brainer. It would have to be follower. Not because I would prefer the role but I can close my eyes and not think but go by feeling what is led and what the music does to me. Dancing as a leader there are so many things that I have to pay attention to especially if there are reasonable number of other dancers on the floor, that dancing every tanda is much more tiring. Well I know there are plenty leaders who can do this but if there was better balance more leaders would also be taking time to rest and socialise.
One of my all time favourite leaders stopped attending Milongas because he was continuously attacked verbally by followers for sitting and chatting and not dancing with them. He was quite perticular about the music he would dance.
Because there are so many followers waiting to have a chance to dance, we become competitive with each and this can sometimes take some pretty nasty forms.
Other impact is self doubt. Not only about dance ability but about us as human beings. Am I too old, too fat, not pretty enough, should I up my sex appeal? We also put up with leaders that really have no clue but it is better still than just sitting. We put up with bad behaviour and treatment from dance partners that are guaranteed to book with us to events. The stories I could tell that I have heard over the years from female followers. They always end up “but at least he registers with me to these events so I can get to any I like to go to.”
I strongly recommend dual role dancing for many reasons. It obviously does balance the roles in events provided people stick to the role they booked in with. There loads of other reasons why I would encourage dancing in both roles but that is not the subject here.
But back to role balancing. How would male dancers learning to follow and sometimes dance in that role help role balancing in events? Isn’t that just making two females having to sit that could have been on the dance floor. Yes, short term but not long term.
First of all let me say that Tango is not about dancing and especially not about dancing every Tanda. It is about connection. I have had some incredible Tandas connecting with people on a sofa chatting.
Anyway. Male leaders occasionally taking a tanda to follow or switch dancing with another man or a female lead envigerates them. “Change is as good as rest”. It also helps one not to go into a rut which eventually creates boredom, especially if dancing because of feelings of “duty”.
This is a hard subject and if there would be an easy answer then we would not have this problem. Well done for attacking it head on.
PS Next time we are in the same Milonga you will dance as my follower at least for one song. Agreed?
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Keep it slow and simple, and you’re on 🙂
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It’s an absolute minefield Ben!
You’ve done well to tackle this issue which is highly emotive and can cause lots of offence. What I’m about to say is not intended to cause offence to anyone, Followers or Leaders.
I don’t think the imbalance will be rectified (any which way) in the near future, or ever. So if you want to dance lots at an event think again.
At my stage in life and dancing, I can say I’ve ‘run the gamut’ of most of these situations and if there is any wisdom to offer at all it is this: choose the milonga with care, be more discerning and stick with a few lovely events rather than have to go to EVERY milonga on the calendar.
This will ensure that you become known at that particular milonga, but of course this is only guaranteed if you make an effort to speak with folk and genuinely socialise widely, not just with people of the same age, sex and dancing ability.
**Being a regular at a milonga will increase the odds of getting dances.**
Also, I will share this advice. I was given this advice early in my Tango journey by a very capable and popular dancer.
1. Continue to hone your skills by regularly attending lessons: there is always room for improvement. Being a capable dancer will increase your chances of getting dances.
2. Look happy, put on a brave face, even when you are feeling rather saddened by the fact there are loads more Followers at the event than Leaders. There is nothing more off-putting than a glum face: you will never attract a cabeceo if you sit there feeling sorry for yourself. Being a happy, cheery Follower will increase your chances of getting dances.
All of this advice is subjective but you have to begin somewhere if you want things to change.
IF YOU KEEP DOING THE SAME THINGS DON’T BE SURPRISED WHEN YOU CONTINUE TO GET THE SAME RESULTS.
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All good advice, for sure!
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I think you touched on a very valid point – the one about for the sake of making the event a viable financial exercise, more single followers are admitted than single leaders. This is particularly and obviously true of the larger events like The Feast and Cheltenham Festival and probably many other international Marathons and Encuentros, and people appear to accept it. It was certainly true at a milonga I attended in Geneva some years ago.
Personally, I don’t choose to support those events regularly for that very reason – even though I wouldn’t entertain attempting to register without a Leader – the size of the event makes it all too impersonal for me. I much prefer the cosier more intimate atmosphere of a smaller milonga. One where I’m more likely to know people, for the reasons I mentioned in my original comment above.
As far as slightly larger events are concerned, I’ll mention Reading Festival, coming up in October, it is one which I’ll probably attend – it is a good size, great people involved in the organisation side of things, always wonderful teachers and I’m getting to know more and more people who attend. On balance, it ticks lots of boxes but I wouldn’t dream of attending without organising registration with a Leader. I feel obligated to do so. I have no difficulty in doing this because I have invested lots and lots of time in socialising with lovely people and so now I can draw on any number of Leaders to enlist.
Time [strike that], patience and lateral thinking, heal all wounds. Tango is a ‘long game’.
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Interesting that you got that impression of The Feast, as that’s definitely role-balanced. I’m on my there way now, and there are only 160 dancers instead of the 250 capacity because there weren’t enough solo leaders to balance the followers on the waiting-list. I guess the other factors I mentioned apply.
I find I enjoy both smaller and larger milongas, in different ways. I’m going to my first encuentro in September (Warm Embrace in Antwerp), which from memory is limited to 100 dancers.
I’ll take a look at Reading, thanks.
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I don’t really agree that followers want to dance more than leaders do. I’ve seen leaders who dance all night long with a few breaks here and there, although it’s hard to tell whether they are doing that because they want to do it or because they feel a duty to when the event is unbalanced.
Personally, as a follower, I don’t really want to dance all night long, it’s too physically demanding. Usually, if I’ve followed for two or three tandas in a row, I’ll want a break so I can rest up and dance more later without feeling like my dance is deteriorating from exhaustion.
From my very limited experience leading, it seems like it’s less physically demanding than following, even if it’s just because when we are leading we have more of a say on which moves we’re going to do. If I’m tired then I’m not going to lead things that require a lot of energy. As a follower you have no choice, you have to dance, or at least try to dance, at the pace the leader is setting.
As far as wanting to dance, I think I am more picky in my music choice as a leader than as a follower. For leading I want to recognise the music or at least like the style, as a follower I’m more willing to take a chance, but that might be because I have much more experience following than leading so I’m more confident that I can cope with it in that role.
I do think that there are more followers leaving milongas having not danced as much as they wanted to than there are leaders who feel the same, but I don’t think it’s because they want to dance more tandas than the leaders do, it’s because most don’t get the chance to dance nearly as many tandas as the leaders do.
So what is the solution? For me personally it’s to enjoy the social aspects of the event and to focus more on the quality of my dances rather than on quantity. I go to milongas with friends (this takes some pressure off as I know I will get a chance to dance at least a little), I greet people when they arrive, I chat to people when I’m sitting out, I watch other dancers, listen to the music… Sure, I still look around, see if anyone is trying to catch my eye, or I try to catch someone else’s if a song comes on that l love, but when I’m not dancing I find other ways to enjoy myself while I’m at the milonga, it can’t be all about the dancing, it’s about the sense of community too.
I realise this doesn’t really solve the role balance problem, but I think the only thing that can solve that is time, because if there continues to be a high demand for leaders then, in time, I think more people will learn to lead, especially women who want to feel more empowered.
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Oh yes, I’m certainly not suggesting that in general followers want to dance more than leaders – just that in role-balanced events, I still see more followers than leaders sitting and looking around hopefully.
I do agree that leading is less physically demanding than following: contrast leading ochos with following them, for example.
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